Be Happy!

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snapsHis fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and quits laughing. He says: "Make 'em all ugly again". NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE . BE HAPPY!

Licking Stamps?

My significant other, who will remain nameless for the purpose of avoiding embarrassment , did the funniest thing the other day. I had gone to the post office and purchased stamps earlier in the week, the flag stamps that go on like a sticker, the kind you don't have to lick. We were sitting on the couch in the living room, writing out checks and paying the bills that never seem to end. I asked him to go to the kitchen and put stamps on each of the envelopes so that we could send them out. He was taking longer than I would have expected, so I went into the kitchen to see if he was raiding the fridge. To my surprise the envelopes were sitting on the kitchen counter and he was taking each stamp off and licking the back before attaching it to the envelope, and making a terrible face each time. I couldn't stop laughing. I think I laughed for a good thirty minutes. How cute is that?!

The Ladies Room

Have you ever gone into a public restroom and used one of those paper toilet seat covers that you pull out of a dispenser in the stall? The kind where you have to pull up and then down to get it out in one piece? I seriously question the motives of the person who designed this product. What kind of person must this be, and why couldn't they design the dispenser so that you only have to pull one way? Anyone with any knowledge knows that you are already in a vulnerable state while you are there. Why make things difficult? Think about it...you're standing there in the stall with either your pants still on or down around your knees depending upon the urgency of the situation, and you're dancing around trying not to pee on yourself while you extract the toilet cover from the dispenser twice, because you didn't do it right the first time. You try to carefully rip the center portion apart from the part you want to use, which by the way is the flimsiest paper product known to man...only to find you pulled too hard and ripped the whole thing apart. Third times a charm, right? So you go through the process all over again, all the while still dancing around with your pants around your knees, trying not to have an accident. What's worse is that the mere fact the seat covers are there MAKES you feel obligated to use them., as if they are there because the toilets are dirtier then anywhere else when in actuality the door knob you touch after washing your hands is dirtier. Who would believe that a piece of paper as flimsy as this one would protect you from anything anyway? You really don't have to use them, but it's the principal of the thing. So...note to self: "Stop using flimsy toilet seat cover papers in public restrooms...especially when you really gotta go!"